And if I hold her tight enough,
then maybe
just maybe
I won’t feel my own guilt, or fear, or helplessness.
If I wrap myself around her
maybe she will absorb my insecurities like a sponge in soapy water.
It’s embarrassing how heavy this love is,
I feel like people can see it on me like a tumor.
Like a special on the The Learning Chanel…
“woman with enormous, immeasurable love dies from exhaustion”.
And then I feel silly and just downright lame.
I imagine them pushing me through the hospital hallways with my
giant love gushing all over the clean white tile floors.
I’m humiliated, but there is nothing they can do for me.
So I wear the gushing love tumor like an albatross.
And nobody brings me flowers during visiting hours.
